A missive (12Jun07) to family by Rebecca's sister Emily Henry

In loving memory of Brenda Henry, whose love continues to shine into the lives it touched, we are holding a small memorial service on June 18th 2007. Upon her request, Brenda’s ashes will be committed to the ground alongside those of her daughter Rebecca at Chesham Bois Cemetery in Buckinghamshire. Close family will be celebrating her life and love by sharing a few thoughts and memories, and if you would like anything read on your behalf we would be grateful to hear from you. If you have a particular memory of Brenda that stands out, or want to share a few words, please be in touch with her daughters Emily (zajae7@yahoo.com) or Katy (katyhenry87@yahoo.co.uk). Please forward this page to anyone who knew Brenda or needs encouragement following the loss of a loved one.

In a recent interview marking the tenth anniversary of his mother’s death, Prince William told reporters that not a day has gone by without him thinking about her. This sentiment holds true for anyone who has ever lost someone close to them because, for those who go on living, death is the most painful and least understandable experience. And yet death surrounds us all; in the morning newspaper, on the evening news bulletin, in our lives and the lives of our friends. We are all confronted with the ultimate mystery of life and, as the author Thomas Pynchon expressed, ‘Death, up till the moment of our own, is miraculous’. As one suffering from grief, coming to terms with loss is impossible because death itself is unfathomable. We cannot experience it, we cannot anticipate it, and we cannot avoid it. But we can defeat it.

The body itself may betray us and wither away, but the humanity – that which makes us the complex being we are – is immortalised through love. Love is the most powerful force in the world, and the greatest asset we can posses as human beings. Not only is it love that we live for and aspire to, but it was love that sent us our saviour and it is love that offers us our freedom from mortality.

As my sister and I commemorate the love of a mother, I am reminded of John 11:25 in the Bible - a passage that is appropriately titled, ‘Jesus comforts the sisters’. Jesus makes a promise that forms the foundation of Christian belief and offers solace to those who grieve: Jesus says, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever believes in me will never die.” He then asks, “Do you believe this?” which is a tough question for anyone to face. Can we believe that man can defeat death through ultimate spiritual love? Can we trust in the love of God to such an extreme? For the answer, I believe we must look to our own experiences of death. The pain that we feel when we lose a parent, a child, a husband, a wife, or a friend is so overwhelming that we feel we may never be the same again. And for many of us, we aren’t. Some piece of ourselves feels like it has died with those who leave us Earthly bound, and no fear is as great or pain as harsh and irrevocable as that profound loss. But here is where we can know just how powerful the love of God is: He sent his only son to experience death, and God himself mourned as we mourn, to show us His eternal and almighty love. God himself was humanised to share our grief, to feel our pain, and to offer us comfort in the knowledge that our God is a God who is willing to die so that we may have eternal life. Knowing the pain of death, how can we doubt a love that has offered itself so willingly to its clutches for our sake?

Death surrounds us, but so also does life and love. The people who pass away from us pass into another life, a life without ‘death or mourning or crying or pain’ (Revelation 21:4), and what more could we ask for those we love than to be free? Everywhere God’s love is exemplified, especially in those who grieve. To grieve is to love and to appreciate the love we have shared with people. Our memories defeat death, as we live on in remembrance of a love that has altered us and will continue to drive us through all life’s hardships and joys until we too can be free.

‘According to the Lord’s own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.’ 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18.